Is This What A Crack Whore Feels Like?

So it’s been 37 days since I have started my journey and to be perfectly honest with you… I feel like a crack whore looking for their next fix! Well okay, not really, I am not really even sure what a crack whore feels like when they are doing whatever it is they do, but I am pretty sure that if they feel like I do, then it has to be a horrible sight! I know I am addicted to shopping and 37 days clean is an accomplishment for me, so I can only imagine how crack whores, drunks or druggies feel when they are on day 37.I am itching for my next …SHOP!

Up until this past weekend, it’s been pretty easy for me not to shop or even think about shopping. But ALL freaking weekend…SHOPPING was all I could think about. Maybe it was because it was a long holiday weekend, maybe it’s because it finally feels like springtime or maybe I just really want to go buy NEW clothes and change up my wardrobe, dangit! Yes, I will go with the last one...


So what the hell did I do all weekend to pass the time you ask? Well, I pretended to shop online! Yes, I actually went onto my favorite websites and filtered through page after page and loaded my cart up with all the goodies that I so would love to purchase. (Pathetic…I know) Once I did all this, I went to my shopping cart and went through the entire process of purchasing them and at the very last moment I closed out. It’s so depressing when you really think about it. Like why in hell would I ever put myself through that torture? Well to be perfect honest with you, I don’t have the slightest idea why. But I will admit, after I did this a few times, and saw the total (yep saved myself like $900) of each of my “fake” purchases, I felt much better. Sounds crazy, I know, but it was a good feeling to be able to look and not buy. Maybe I just learned what “Window Shopping” is. I never understood the concept growing up, just ask my mother. She would always tell me, “You know Stacie…you don’t always have to buy everything that you see. You know there is such a thing called window shopping.” My thoughts back to her were “Why on earth would anybody go to the mall and just look?" The concept didn’t make much sense to me then and still doesn’t make much sense to me now, but boy oh boy did I window shop this weekend! I am just not sure how long this pretending thing will last. I can only fake myself out so much before I start to catch on….


I haven’t pinpointed why it hit me so hard this weekend, but I can only assume it has to do with withdrawals. I miss the smell of new clothes, I miss the feeling of trying on new clothes and then walking out with bags and bags of goodies. The one thing I don’t miss….my credit card being outrageously high!